Saturday 23 September 2017

How It's Like

you get up tired. powerless. 
"i have to go to school." you say.
you hope to get back to bed and do nothing today. no willing to do anything. no activity. just lay on bed. but then you remember your mom. you go to take bath.
you take so long to bathe. there's one thing you always keep in mind. one big thing inside your head. you want to get rid of it. you really want to kick off those feelings.
"why me?" you say to yourself, quietly.
you don't eat breakfast before school. no appetite.
on the way to school, you remember that thing again. the big thing inside your head. traffic jam makes it worse. five motorbikes behind you, honking hard at you, makes it even worse.
"what the hell is wrong? god why do you leave me alone?" you say to yourself, again, but in a quieter sound.
at school, you don't really want to study. you just want to lay all day. that big thing once kicks again, now even harder.
"if only i could go back in time," you say, "i wouldn't have to suffer all this."
you can't stop regretting that day. you keep remembering the day. the details. the torturing feelings always kick in once you remember it. it's the stupidest day in your history, your biggest regret.
class ends. it is about to rain. you go home, on your bike, without raincoat. will the rainfall erase these regrets? unfortunately no, it won't.
you keep posting funny things online, altering your real feelings. you make your own mask, and wear it everyday.
on the night, you think about that again. you spend hours of thinking, before your eyes forcefully close themselves. night sleeps have been really big problem recently.
in the morning, you wake up again. powerless.
then the cycle goes on...

more or less, that's how it's like.
it may not be that bad if i write it, but it actually kills you slowly.

karawang, 23 september 2017
err... of course it's fictional
ha ha ha

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