Alasan untuk Bersyukur (2)

coba diingat-ingat kembali, siapa nama teman sebangku waktu kelas 3 SD dulu. nama lengkap lho, bukan nama panggilan. masih ingat?

atau coba diingat-ingat kembali, 2 tahun yang lalu, tepat di hari ini, 27 september, kita ngapain? ingat gak? kemungkinan besar gak akan ingat kalau bukan peristiwa yang penting-penting amat.
gak usah lama-lama deh, sebulan yang lalu tepat di tanggal segini juga, masih ingat gak makan malam pake apa?

Alasan untuk Bersyukur

kita -homo sapiens, adalah satu-satunya spesies yang memakan dan menikmati makanan pahit. biji kokoa yang jelas-jelas pahit, kita bikin cokelat batangan dan kita mau-mau saja membelinya dengan harga yang lumayan mahal. demikian halnya dengan kopi, sudah jelas pahit tapi kita minum juga, ditambah lagi kita asosiasikan dengan senja dan larik-larik puisi (sebagian orang sih, bukan kita semua). tak lupa pare yang juga berasa pahit yang hakiki, dibuat siomay dan banyak pula yang menyukainya. dan masih banyak lagi, olahan-olahan dari makanan dan minuman yang memiliki citarasa pahit yang kita nikmati.

How It's Like

you get up tired. powerless. 
"i have to go to school." you say.
you hope to get back to bed and do nothing today. no willing to do anything. no activity. just lay on bed. but then you remember your mom. you go to take bath.
you take so long to bathe. there's one thing you always keep in mind. one big thing inside your head. you want to get rid of it. you really want to kick off those feelings.
"why me?" you say to yourself, quietly.
you don't eat breakfast before school. no appetite.
on the way to school, you remember that thing again. the big thing inside your head. traffic jam makes it worse. five motorbikes behind you, honking hard at you, makes it even worse.
"what the hell is wrong? god why do you leave me alone?" you say to yourself, again, but in a quieter sound.
at school, you don't really want to study. you just want to lay all day. that big thing once kicks again, now even harder.
"if only i could go back in time," you say, "i wouldn't have to suffer all this."
you can't stop regretting that day. you keep remembering the day. the details. the torturing feelings always kick in once you remember it. it's the stupidest day in your history, your biggest regret.
class ends. it is about to rain. you go home, on your bike, without raincoat. will the rainfall erase these regrets? unfortunately no, it won't.
you keep posting funny things online, altering your real feelings. you make your own mask, and wear it everyday.
on the night, you think about that again. you spend hours of thinking, before your eyes forcefully close themselves. night sleeps have been really big problem recently.
in the morning, you wake up again. powerless.
then the cycle goes on...

more or less, that's how it's like.
it may not be that bad if i write it, but it actually kills you slowly.

karawang, 23 september 2017

err... of course it's fictional

ha ha ha

So Many Stories Untold

it's getting rarer and rarer for me to write to write. only one post per month during the last three months. what the hell is wrong? i don't know. the truth is, i really want to write some stories. want to share something over this platform so that one day i can learn and laugh at myself for how silly my past  was.

just not now. first, not so many will read it anyway, or probably it will be just me. second, i think it's not the right time to share it online. there are things you'd rather save for yourself. third, back to first reason.

i hope you all have a good day.

karawang, 23 september 2017

using the office's wifi connection